This is a personal account blog post. I hope it helps you.
Bracing or tensing is something trauma survivors do without even noticing it. In fact, I lived braced for most of my life and didn’t know until the last 5 years when I worked with a practitioner who taught me how to feel my body. Since I’ve been doing that work, I am now much more aware of when I’m bracing than not. I’ve noticed recently that I’ve been leaning into releasing the bracing.
The origins of bracing
I should start by first explaining bracing. As a child, I learned to brace in anticipation of the shit hitting the fan, the other shoe dropping, the rug to being swept from under me. I braced in my body by tensing up. I braced in my emotions by not feeling excited or happy. I braced in my spirit by not hoping for good things. When people around you deal with their own stuff – their own bracing, sometimes it’s hard from them to sit in your excitement, joy, hope. Other times, people are just so held back by so many things that they project their stuff onto you and you, in turn, begin perpetuating this learned behavior. This was the case for me. It also kept me safe. If I learned not to be excited about something, I wouldn’t get disappointed if it didn’t happen or if someone acted like I was being ridiculous. If I learned to brace for other people’s emotions, I could stay on an emotional level that didn’t upset their level and spare myself of any potential wrath. So I learned to stay small, not to expect anything, and brace for what’s to come.
Noticing my body bracing and deciding how to address it
The first time I released my bracing was on a plane a few months ago. The pilot asked the flight attendants to stop service and sit down because the “air would get rough”. I’ve never been on a plane where they actually told the flight attendants to stop service so I was anticipating the worst. I mean, I remember hearing about a flight that dropped 20-30k feet in the air so this is what I was anticipating and my body got ready. I braced every muscle in my body; this was unconscious, of course. It’s one of those things you do so much that you don’t realize you’re doing it until you release the tension.
I braced in my body by tensing up. I braced in my emotions by not feeling excited or happy. I braced in my spirit by not hoping for good things.
For some reason, as we moved about in this choppy air, which was genuinely more choppy than I’ve experienced to date, I thought to myself “Just relax. What if you relaxed into it? What would that experience be?” And I began to relax my muscles. I didn’t even know how tense I was. When I released the tension a wild thing happened. The choppy air was just choppy air. It wasn’t terrifying and it didn’t indicate the plane would drop. I learned it wasn’t “almost the end” for me. It was, simply, choppy air to move through. After about 20 minutes, service resumed and the flight proceeded as usual.
Being triggered into bracing and then embracing it
The second time I realized this I was driving a Porsche Boxster 719 drop top at The Porsche Experience. The course is set up to create dangerous driving situations so you can learn how to get out of them safely. The instructor wanted me to spin the car out (meaning make it lose control and go spinning on the road) on this slick surface that had water pouring all over it to simulate driving on black ice. Before I could do it myself, he was driving to show me what to do. As he spun the car out, purposely, I braced. I was freaked out inside and I absolutely did not want to do this. I will add that this was also triggering for me because I have spun out on I-85 from the inner median to the outer and back to the inner again. My car was totaled. I haven’t been in a situation like that since then and this man was asking me to do it on purpose – so yeah, I was braced.
After about the 3rd time he spun the car out, I realized how tense I was. Soooo tense and I just told myself, “relax”. I consciously released the tension. My stomach got softer. My shoulders dropped. My jaw eased. I felt lighter…softer. The instructor spun out one last time before I took over and I realized, “The car is just spinning. It’s not do or die. We aren’t going to hit the railing, he’s shown and proven that. This can be an enjoyable experience.”. I was bracing all the fun out of the experience because to me, fun equaled being let down, it equaled lack of safety. When I took over the car again, I was able to spin out and actually enjoy it. I quickly regained control of the car and learned how to prevent the very accident I got into so many years ago…and I enjoyed it!
What these experiences taught me
What I’ve learned in the bracing is that out of all these situations I couldn’t control the situation (with exception to telling Porshe man I just didn’t want to do it – but while in that car, the car was spinning). The bracing of my body was natural for me. My brain and nervous system have gotten used to trying to prevent the worst and, if that’s not possible, preparing for it. However, I’ve learned that, once again, the coping mechanisms that served you to survive as a child, can harm you as an adult.
The bracing made every situation worse. It made it scarier, less enjoyable, I missed some opportunities, and it just didn’t feel good, physically, mentally and emotionally. Not to mention long term bracing (and so much behind it) can have negative impacts on physical health. I’m learning to release and relax; to embrace what is and I’m finding it allows for acceptance of myself and what’s outside of me. I’m finding that I’m able to be more creative and that the world isn’t so scary. The ease brings a new energy which opens one up to so much more. So consider how you brace. How did bracing help you as a child? Are you still bracing in that way and is it still helping you in the same ways? Just changing what’s within can change everything outside of you.
If you find that you’re in a constant state of bracing, contact us today. You body doesn’t have to remain in such constant tension. You deserve to live in a body that feels safe.